I’ve tried my best to stay in my box. Stay safe. So I’ll fit in. Belong.
I’ve tried my best to fit and stay put in my psychotherapist suit. I’ve stretched it to bursting capacity by adding on the words holistic, energetic, intuitive, spiritual. I’ve let out its hem lines into hypnotherapy and past life regression. I’ve stretched it to the max so its seams are ripping and its buttons popping off. It’s been looking more and more distressed each day.
But I’ve still been pretending to myself.
Keeping my light under a rock.
I’ve been afraid what my psychotherapist friends and community will think of me.
I’ve been afraid not to be part of mainstream life. (I think I’ve been fooling myself on that one — I've never been in it.)
I've judged myself from the 991 pages of the DSM: Prone to delusions. A highly developed fantasy life. Sees and hears things —hallucinations. Grandiose.
I’ve been so different my whole life, inside. Outside, with my brown Indian woman body, I've never fitted into mainstream America, no matter how United our States are, no matter how much I've yearned to and tried.
I haven’t wanted to be different in yet another way.
But I simply can’t anymore. I simply can’t hide my identity.
The straw that broke the camel's back was when a holistic (but not lightworker) ezine rejected an article I submitted to them. They politely said it was too out there, out of their frame of spirituality. It was then I realized how much I've been trying to stay acceptable as defined by others. So I churned. I soul searched. It led me to my deeper truth. And I finally gave myself permission to be me.
So. I’m saying it. Out loud. I’m a Lightworker.
Ohhhh. That feels so good to say it. (Big exhale).
No other identity has ever felt so right. Including that of an Indian woman. I've always known that was just another suit.
Art: © Ellen ♥ Vaman
Going to John of God in 2009 changed everything. For ever.
And there’s no going back.
I’ve been having such amazing, mind-blowing experiences since then. I’ve been traveling, and I don’t mean only on our planet.
My psychic capacities are growing.
I’m profoundly guided by my spirit guides and the Entities at the Casa de Dom Inacio in Brazil.
And by inter-dimensional beings. (That took me a few years to digest.)
I’ve had to let out the hemlines of how I perceive reality.
Pop the skeptical, doubting seams of my mind.
Transmute a thousand stitches of fear into love, of disbelief into wonder.
Confront and release everything that’s kept me small, limited, not be the Light.
We’re in the time of Ascension. The Shift. The age of Intuition and the Divine Feminine.
Where miracles, magic, and manifestation are our new reality.
Where WE are the miracle.
Where WE are the gods and goddesses.
Where our hearts are temples. Our souls, cathedrals. And our bodies, holy rivers of Truth.
Where we see with three, wide open eyes.
We’re becoming fully who we are — Beings of Light, Beings of Love.
With gifts, knowledge, and capacities beyond what we can imagine.
Art: © Ellen ♥ Vaman
We chose to be here, in this extraordinary time. But our ride to the stars can be confusing, scary, overwhelming, and we’ll dig in our heels and want to crawl back into old suits.
I've done that and still do that. Thank God for the Internet and books where I've met pioneers who've helped me make sense of my wild experiences. And my wonderful lightworker friends, who’ve validated and seen me, nudging me along.
So I want to share my stories and experiences with you.
Perhaps you, too, are busting out of your suit.
Perhaps you're having powerful and extraordinary experiences in your Ascension.
Perhaps you're moving at the speed of light, releasing old scripts and remembering new gifts.
I hope you will find companionship, resonance, and comfort here in my new blog category "Journal of a Lightworker".
I’d love to hear your stories too, here, and so light each other’s way.