A sweetness descends upon and envelopes me even before I finish my prayers. I’ve just settled onto my couch to meditate. My eyelids closed only a couple minutes ago, shutting out the cathedral of redwoods beyond my windows.
My words, “Make me an instrument…” fade in my mind, like ink on water.
Instead, the word “sweet” rises up. There’s a sweetness here.
It’s the quality of Mother Mary’s energy this morning.
It’s a sweetness I haven’t known. A sweetness that has probably come to me many times in my life in the form of women offering a particular quality of friendship that I’ve pushed away and run from.
But this energy, here, now is a feminine sweetness. Sister softness.
The kind I can rest my head upon. A sweetness that wraps her arms around me to say she is there no matter what. That I don’t have to do anything.
Not do anything to be loved?
My nervous system isn’t wired that way.
But there it is. Here she is. My body trembles a little. Hard to believe. But her sweetness is unwavering.
I breathe in more deeply to take in the honey of her. And another breath. She enters and descends into me, like a pink feather, wafting into my lungs and heart. My body drinks in her presence and trembles at the same time.
When she reaches my belly my body starts to shake like a small earthquake. Waves of fear ripple from my belly throwing something up and out.
Even after journeying together for so long how hard it is for me to trust her.
Even after all the times she’s come to me how hard it is to fully believe she’s really there. Here. With me. No matter what.
How hard it is to fully believe the Divine’s unfailing promises, presence, and power in my life.
How many times I’ve turned away and distracted myself with work that’s known and accepted in the world. With taking yet another course. With the Internet.
She, Queen of Heaven, has come to me, asking, asking, asking me to walk with her to carve a new path.
One that doesn’t exist. One you don’t go to school for to get a degree. One where I get to walk with her.
Walk with Her!? Work with Her!?
I have not believed. It’s been easier to shoo away her messages like a nice visualization you think is make-believe.
But now, as the earthquake in my body throws up lava of mistrust and disbelief, a corridor of light opens before me.
And the words burst from my lips, If you lead me I will follow.
If you lead me I will follow.
If you lead me I will follow.
No matter what it looks like. No matter where I may go.
At that instant a shining crown appears four feet above my head.
It is glorious not because of its precious metal or gleaming jewels, but because it is the crown of the Divine Feminine.
With the radiance of more than a thousand suns.
It is being placed upon me. She is placing it upon me.
And the thundering radiance of a thousand suns and moons and stars showers down all around me.
I am blessed.
I am crowned.
I am initiated.
Not with success, fame, material wealth, or whatever the marketplace and world may chase.
But with the Crown of the Divine Feminine.
To your will, not mine.
If you lead me I will follow.
I am to walk in the world as her.
I am to speak as her. Be her mouthpiece.
Still, I am aware of the stark disparity of my identity. I feel like two people: one with bedraggled worth, the other crowned as the Divine Feminine.
And the bedraggled part drags in its always question, like a tattered rag: Why me?
For the first time, another voice arises in me to silence it. Perhaps it’s time to stop asking that question. And just accept what is.
I’ve played with my “yes”. Done a few things here and there. Tested it out, like a cat teases a mouse.
I was unsure. Disbelieving. Skeptical. And seriously, seriously doubtful.
And then there’s that always that ever-present friend I’ve travelled with my whole life… worth.
Am I worthy? Good enough? ME???
But today… today felt different.
Today, I could feel the energy pulling at me. I could feel Mother Mary stretch her arm out to me after my meditation, that if I would only take it she would guide me through the door.
Her offer wasn’t conditional. Or time bound. It never is.
I could quite literally see and feel a door ajar to my right, waiting. A shimmering portal to possibility.
It’s been open for a while. And yes, Mary’s told me about it for a long, long while. But I just busied myself with the rest of my life, looking at it from the corner of my eye now and then, saying I’d get to it.
Some. Day. Hah! (We know all that excuse, don’t we?)
But today the pull of the energy current was strong enough for me to sit my seat back on my couch for Meditation Session #2.
Now that’s uncommon.
Then there they were. 3 declarations flowed from my heart, body, and soul.
And a shower of energy poured down on me—liquid light that I know to be Truth. Holy Truth, Holy Fire, which I know as Mother Mary.
(Even as I write these words, I’m thinking… will you understand? Ah, the dregs of old conditioning. But no more. It doesn’t matter if you understand or not. I must write for me, and for the one person who might need to hear.)
Then she asked me to say them out loud.
“I am the living embodiment of the Divine Feminine, the Goddess”
“I am here to lead women to become the Goddesses that they are.”
“I am a spiritual teacher.”
With each sentence my spine felt electrified, jolted with ice-cold fire energy all the way down to my root chakra.
That’s how I know it’s true.
It didn’t even take that long. But there it was. Just like that.
My Yes. Choosing my Destiny. Claiming my Destiny.
Words spoken out into air. Electrified spine. Hair standing on end. And I stepped through the door of my destiny out of the fog of doubt, disbelief, and little self-worth.
And for the first time, I don’t care what anyone thinks.
Not even you…
(I guess it’s no coincidence it’s Lion’s Gate and Blood Moon Lunar Eclipse today!!)
Is this how you say yes? Wait and wait, then when you’re finally ready, effortlessly step through the door?
My spirit guides told me in the way they often do (with words and pictures in my mind) that the music coming through was the Language of Light. They also gave me instructions of what to do with it. I scratched my head. My mind couldn’t make sense of it. Short of banging a frying pan on my thick skull, they tried many times to help me understand. But it all sounded like gobbledy-gook.
I had no reference point.
But when I found Jamye Price on YouTube I finally began to understand.
Since then, I’ve had friends and clients come lie under the piano who’ve had powerful experiences, awakenings, inspirations, and downloads. They felt like they released a ton of baggage and emotional gunk effortlessly, sank into themselves on very deep levels, had exquisite visions, and were shown their Soul’s path in ways they didn’t know before.
When someone complimented her, she’d say, “Oh it’s nothing.”
When someone appreciated her, she’d say, “You’d do the same.”
When opportunities rose right in front of her nose, her mind swirled with “I’m not good enough” and the opportunity would pass to someone else. But she always wondered, “What would have happened if I had reached out and taken it?”
She was afraid to speak about her gifts, especially the ones that made her look different.
She was afraid to stick out in the crowd. She’d felt different her whole life.
Cindy was a psychic.
It’s a good thing in certain areas of your life. Sure you don’t want to brag or be arrogant.
But it’s not so good in others especially if you’re an intuitive, creative, empath, or spiritual. You know, the areas which aren’t so mainstream.
Its important — essential — for women to be proud. And yes, even loud about your gifts. Otherwise who will know about them? Who will receive your unique specialness?
So only a handful of close friends and family knew about Cindy’s psychic abilities even though, inside, she felt how profound, powerful, and beautiful they were.
I can relate to Cindy. I grew up in India where, as a woman, I was conditioned not to take the limelight, take up space, or glow with pride about my accomplishments.
Turns out it’s not just Indian women. I see women from all countries struggle with the same issue. They don’t talk about their gifts.
What about you? Are you too humble?
What you lose out on when you’re too humble.
♥ You don’t get to be seen, heard, and known for who you are. (Do you long for that?)
♥ You don’t get to take up space .
♥ You don’t get to feel the wonderful satisfaction of offering and sharing who you are and what’s coming through you to others.
♥ You don’t get to be all of you. Out loud. Out proud.
And you know what? ♥ We lose you. The world loses out when you’re too humble.
♥ And… in my work with people I’ve seen so many heal from depression, anxiety, cancer, and other mental and physical health issues when they begin to express and step into their gifts. Your Soul Purpose is essential for your whole health.
So what do you say? Take a chance.
Acknowledge, own, and claim how kind, generous, compassionate, creative, talented, and _______ you are.
In fact, get a piece of paper and write 10 wonderful things about you and 10 of your gifts.
Then, tell someone.
You could even try this as a fun thing to do with a friend.