Your body is an instrument of love and desire. Of passion.

Your sexuality is what makes you most feminine, most woman.

Becoming a whole woman is to discover and own your temptress and seductress, your skilled lover, even your sacred prostitute. Your love goddess…are you Aphrodite or Venus, Rati or Kali?

Becoming a whole woman is discovering and playing with the full range of your sexuality.

Find your unique sexuality

Your way is your way. Different from any other woman’s.

You may be comfortable in your naked skin or prefer to cover up. You may thoroughly enjoy your body and sex. Or feel fear, pain, or numbness. You may relish flirting, foreplay, and sexual intimacy. Or you may have a mix of feelings, both enjoying and struggling with it.

Sexuality is incredible. Yet it can also be incredibly complex.

You inherit so many judgments and prejudices that your original sexual innocence is often lost. And abuse, assault, commercialization, and religion stifle free flowing sexuality, casting a net over its wild and free and open nature.

Women’s sexuality has been oppressed and often under assault for centuries. And still is. You may need to work to become a whole woman and return to original playful innocence.

Here are some ways to do that.

12 ways to adorn yourself sexually

1. Presence

Your presence is, perhaps, the most important aspect of your sexuality—it’s an aphrodisiac. How present are you to your sensations and emotions, to yourself and your partner? The more in the moment and present you are, the more you experience your sexuality’s heat, light, and love.

2. Desire

Attune to and enter the experience of desiring and being desired as much as you are able. Flow with the river as far as you can go. If you’re in a long-term relationship where the fire of newness ebbs, learn how to continue desiring your partner—essential to keeping intimacy fresh and alive.

3. Take responsibility for your sexuality and passion

Know your turn-ons and turn-offs, safety and edges, pleasure and boredom, whether self-pleasuring or with a partner. Be open to change and evolve as the tides of your life and partners shift.

4. Become intimate with your own unique eroticism

Know your needs and edges. What do you need to feel safe and move through the different stages of lovemaking. What pleasures and satisfies you? And what are your edges? Your erotic growth and capacity is often around your edges—work them. And if you can, with your partner.

5. Become a sex goddess

Develop your skill and subtlety just as you would any art or science. Inform yourself. Give yourself a travel guide to the world of sex, whether it’s about techniques, the Kama Sutra, erogenous zones, or the range of sexual possibilities that intrigue you. Explore sacred sexuality. Take a workshop.

6. Conscious breath

Your breath is a portal to your senses and sensuality. It carries you into your experience. Discover and experiment with it. When intense feelings and sensations arise, learn to use your breath to ride their waves as well as to surf you more into pleasure.

7. Cultivate pleasure

You have vast capacities for pleasure. For ecstasy and bliss. Your body, as an instrument, can play and be played in an endless variety of ways. Enjoy your practice!

8. Seek out professional help if you’ve been sexually abused

Get therapy. Find a sexual healer. It’s easy to minimize abuse since so much secrecy, shame, and guilt often accompany it. It’s critical that you not be alone with this but get help.

You’re not alone. 1 out of every 6 American women, and 1 in 4 internationally, have been victims of abuse. Almost half the women who enter therapy want to work on their sexuality.

9. Work through your emotional triggers and constrictions

Perhaps you’ve inherited guilt about pleasure. Or have emotional ties to a parent which you need to cut. Or inherited ideas from your family, culture, or religion about how a woman needs to behave or be sexually. What’s true for you beyond what you’ve been handed down? Get beyond ideas and ideology into the warm experience and wisdom of your body. Again, get help for these often bury deeply in your psyche.

10. Communicate and attune

If you’re with a partner(s), express what you appreciate, want more of, or how to be touched differently. Likewise, encourage and welcome feedback from your partner(s). How attuned and connected are you with your partner?

11. Expand your sexuality to your other chakras

Choose whether you want to include more levels to your sexuality, such as ground, power, heart, expression and play, intuition, and Spirit. How much can you open to feeling on all levels? The more aligned with other chakras, the richer and fuller is your experience.

12. Dance with the masculine and feminine

Explore these powerful polarities, and play with receiving and asserting, with giving and taking. You have both energies in you and can dance fluidly between and with them.

In what other ways do you adorn yourself sexually? I’d love to hear more about it here.

[ Click here for the Introduction, Body, Power, Love, and Voice + Creativity posts of this 8-part blog series. ]